In the third volume of Robert Caro’s ‘The Years of Lyndon Johnson,’ Caro describes the way LBJ spoke to people. Between 1948 and 1960, the years documented in ‘Master of the Senate’, LBJ was able, time and again, to persuade Senators, financial backers, page boys and anybody else whose help he needed, to play along and support him. Caro’s portrait of LBJ as Master of the Senate was because the Senate, with only ninety-six senators, was in Johnson’s own words, ‘the right size.’ In these close quarters, LBJ could make the most of his number one political skill – persuasion in private conversation.
This is a list of some of the stories and anecdotes that LBJ would tell to small groups of people, during those years and in those conversations.
*These are taken directly from Caro’s ‘Master of the Senate.’*
1. “I like to make points with jokes,” he would say, and he was very effective doing so. To emphasise the importance of the Democrats presenting their image as a compassionate party, he would tell a story that showed the GOP’s image was quite different, saying that a Texan who needed a heart transplant was given his choice of three hearts: one from a healthy twenty-three year old skiing champion who had just been killed in an avalanche; one from a healthy twenty year old football player who had just died of a football injury. “Of course,” the surgeon added, “there’s also this seventy-nine year old Republican banker who’s just passed away.”
The man thought a moment, and said he would take the banker’s heart. When the surgeon asked why, the man said, “I just wanted to make sure I was getting a heart that had never been used.”
– Caro 1982 (p.419)
2. Once a group of senators were talking about a colleague who might have had trouble winning re-election, except that his opponent was as inept a campaigner as he was, and Johnson said, “That reminds me of the fellow down in Texas who says to his friend, ‘Earl, I am thinking about running for sheriff against uncle Jim Wilson. What do you think?’
His friend says, ‘Well, it depends on which of you sees the most people. If you see the most, Uncle Jim will win. If he sees the most, you will win.'”
– Caro 1982 (p.418)
3. One afternoon in Johnson’s office he told a story about ‘the judge down in Texas during the Depression.’
“They called him up one night, this state senator did, and said, ‘Judge, we just abolished your court.’
“He said, ‘Well, why’d you abolish my court?’
“The senator said, ‘Well, we got to consolidate the courts for economy reasons, and yours was the last one cre-ated.’
“‘Well,’ he said, ‘you didn’t do it without a hearing, did you?’
“The senator said, ‘Yes, we had a hearing.’
“‘Well, who the devil would testify my court ought to be abolished?’
“‘Well,’ he said, ‘the head of the State Bar Association.’
“The judge said, ‘Let me tell you about the head of the State Bar Association. He’s a shyster lawyer, and his daddy ahead of him was too.’ “
At this point, the men listening to Lyndon Johnson started to smile, but he had only begun.
“‘Well, the major of the city came down and testified against you.’
“‘Well,’ the judge said, ‘let me tell you about that mayor. He stole his way into office. He padded the ballot boxes. He counted ’em twice. Who else testified?’
“‘Well,’ the senator said, ‘the banker.’
“‘Well, he’s been charging usurious rates jest like his daddy and his grandaddy ahead of him too.'”
The men in Lyndon Johnson’s office would be laughing now, as he paused. Then he resumed. The state senator, he said, now told the judge, “‘Well, Judge, I don’t think we ought to talk any longer. You’re gettin’ your blood pressure up, and you’re all excited, and it’s late tonight. I just thought I’d tell you that the Legislature has adjourned. Somebody did offer an amendment to abolish your court, but we didn’t have a hearing – I was just kidding you – and nobody came down to testify against you at all. But I fought the amendment and I killed it, and the bill’s gone to the Governor, and he’s signed it, and you’re safe, and I just thought I’d call you up and make you feel better.’
The judge said, ‘Thank you, Senator, but why did you make me say those ugly things about three of the best friends any man ever had?’ “
As Johnson leaned back in his chair, his feet up, his arm holding the glass out for a refill, his listeners would be roaring with laughter.
– Caro 1982 (p.418)
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